So I am not sure if you have heard of this but since I started my self development journey this has been a key phrase. And yes its a real thing.
Self-sabotage can be described as a combination of negative thoughts, feelings and self-defeating behaviours, caused by low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth and confidence that create roadblocks on the path to success.
When you consciously want something but unconsciously your inner voice your (saboteur) stops you from getting it. So when you are wanting to lose weight and you inner voice just keeps talking you into eating crap or not working out. Procrastination, holding your self back from doing your very best. Putting in not effort, quitting once you have only just begun. Blaming others or bad luck when things don't go your way. These are a few ways that sabotage turn up. But guess what if you notice the signs you can then find ways to over come them.
Most of us at some point have not felt good enough. We have doubted our attractiveness, our ability, and our worth. We pass these off as weakness of ours and take them on as our story, We then try to make people see us otherwise or we hide away so that others don't notice our downfalls. The thing is others most likely do not see you the way you see yourself. I have had many a conversation with people and when they open up to you revealing what they think of themselves is not what I or other people see. Some people come across as strong and like they are leaders but underneath they are merely making it through the day. And that is because of their own limiting beliefs about themselves. Unworthiness is the self-perceived belief or feeling that you don’t deserve success, popularity and ultimately, happiness. It comes from poor self-image and low self-esteem. By building your self-esteem you will be comfortable enough with yourself to be the person you are, not the person you think others want you to be. There is nothing more attractive than somebody who is comfortable in their own skin and at peace with who they are.
Relationships and Self sabotage.
It’s quite common for people to want what they can’t have and to cease wanting it when they eventually get it. Another common behaviour is to pick fights with a loved one, especially when the partner is being particularly kind or loving.
Sometimes watching your parents relationship can have an effect on yours. Say your parents had a cold and volatile relationship where one of them was having affairs, then it is fair to say that you may have trust issues when it comes to relationships and therefore when things are going really well you decide to flee because it is not living up to your expectation or what you know of relationships. Or you may just be living in fear of getting to close because you have in your head it isn't going to end well. Usually you (or the person) has caused the relationship to end because of the fear you had around it, expecting the worse and in fact you caused the demise from your self sabotaging behaviour.
“It is possible to free ourselves from deeply ingrained patterns of self-sabotaging behaviour, but only if we recognise that we are doing it,” says consultant psychotherapist Mark Dunn. Next time you suspect you may be putting a spanner in the works, ask yourself, “What would my ideal relationship be like?” Make a list of qualities that your ideal partner would possess and then make another list based on your current relationship and partner. Compare the lists. Are you with the wrong person? Or are you with the right person, but sabotaging your relationship because of your own insecurities?
Out of 60,000 thoughts a day 80% of them are negative. Unfortunately we are negative bias and that is the way that our brain works. How often are you focused on what is not working, what is not right or what is missing. Your mind moves, only towards what you are thinking about – so when you say, “I don’t want ‘?’ to happen,” you automatically gravitate towards ‘?’.
If you start concentrating on what you want and start enjoying what you have, that will open you up to moving towards that. Think about what’s going right and what’s working and be sure to acknowledge and be thankful for it. If you think in this way, you will attract more of what is working.
We can have a fear of failing and we can also have the fear of succeeding, both reflecting similar negative beliefs of low self-worth and self-doubt.
Change can be scary. It means leaving your comfort zone, letting go of old routines, beliefs and processes and venturing into the unknown. The idea of undertaking a new challenge can bring up uncomfortable feelings. You may feel that the fear of being unworthy, messing up, looking stupid and feeling not good enough is not worth taking the risk of even trying, Some are scared of success and happiness because of the changes it will bring. They may feel they don’t deserve it, or are scared of losing it once they get it. Others dwell on the potentially negative reactions of their friends and family and are concerned about losing love and acceptance because of envy, jealousy and resentment. Such beliefs tap into deep-seated self-doubt and often result in self-sabotage.
What is the worst thing that can happen. What if it works out like I want it to. These are things you need to start looking at. What if? Use your imagination and imagine that you are where you really want to be. At the end goal. Imagine how you feel in that moment. How others are reacting to you. How you look, who is there, and just be totally in the moment. Now, you will never have the chance to be in that moment if you don't get off your arse and try will you. You will never even have the opportunity if you don't try. You need to start and take action to move to that goal. You are brilliant you are worth it and you deserve every ounce of happiness that you ever dreamed of. Start speaking nicely to yourself. start looking at all the positives in your life and you will move forward. Take a moment to put things in perspective and then make a list of the things you want to change, the things you can change and the things you’d like to change but have little or no power over, such as other people’s actions and feelings. Next, devise an action plan and silence your inner skeptic with positive thinking and affirmations. As Canadian ice hockey coach, Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100 per cent of the shots you don’t take.”