Well what can I say. This blog is a bit of a download about everything. Firstly I had the absolute privilege to host an Mind Body Spirit Expo in my home town and it went so well. I cannot even begin to fathom what I pulled off and the reviews have been incredible. I am so very very happy and to say the least I am proud of myself. Now rewind back to possible a month or two ago and I was a completely different person. I was like most people, I didn't believe in my ability. I will say I have been working very hard on getting passed this, hence this is where I am today. The day after I organised and pulled off a major community event. If you had asked me a few months ago if I thought I could do it then I would have said NO WAY NO HOW ( wizard of oz, my fave) but cut to doing some epic transformation work using NLP and going to my absolute god send Regina (who is a body talk practitioner) and I went into the day with not a single thought that it would go wrong, not a single thought that I couldn't do it and I knew that it was going to be an incredible day. I even thought to myself, Oh my god I'm so calm, I must have forgotten something, and then realised if I did who cares that would be ok too.
OK SO WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ERIN.
What I really noticed about doing this event was that I had changed so much. The changes I had made in the last few months were insane. I will explain.
So for the longest time, anytime I have put myself out there or have gone to put myself out there ( I stopped myself a lot ) I had these major feelings of self doubt pop up for me. I have no idea where my feelings of low self worth or the feeling of not being smart enough came from but since I have ventured out of my safe little bubble these have popped up over and over and over again. I, to be honest had an extremely hard time when I was doing my NLP practitioner course around these feelings, and luckily it was such a small group that my amazing mentor helped me clean a lot of that up. ( which is what I noticed while doing this event) I was going home each day just feeling so heavy like I had such a weight heavy on me like a suffocating feeling and I had no idea why. I was so excited to do this certification and every thing about it I love but I just didn't understand what this emotional reaction I was having was. Until I did realise that it was FEAR. Fear of failing. I have created events before, small ones that I have called off at the last minute because I was so scared. I was scared to look silly, to look like I had no idea what I was talking about to look like an utter fool. The problem is I know the stuff I'm passionate about, I know what I am talking about. I thought I had better get training so that people know that I know. So that is why I did my Weight management psychology (which I am so blessed for doing because it has changed my entire outlook) and also with the NLP I wanted to prove I know how important mindset is and that open a whole other experience so it isn't bad training but I realise that I was doing it so I could prove that I knew what I am talking about. I didn't know fear was going to show up like this for me and I had to hide how friggin scared I was but was so happy to be in safe environment that ( my mentor had already picked up on it) when I did bring it up we worked on it. We worked on it again and again and again. Same with my body talk sessions we have practically worked on it over and over and it is so sad that I had ( and still have touches of) such an overwhelming sense of self doubt, self hate, unworthiness and no faith in my own ability. Now even though we have been working through these issues I always stay consistent because I believe with all of my heart and my soul that the work I am doing is helping people and it is my purpose, and my passion and will it change course, maybe so, because it has already has and I've been following this path for almost 2 years now. I have always been there for my tribe, I have been training and learning and creating programs and content and candles and talking to people and then creating community events. Even with the fear that I may fail.
It came to the Expo and my friends were saying (because they know me well) "Are you nervous?" I thought and I said "No" Geez I thought that is weird by now I would be wanting to hurl my guts up at the thought of putting myself so out there, but no.
So I thought maybe closer to the day. I was really sick the few days leading up to the event too I might add. I had no voice, I had no energy and just felt like shit quite frankly. So the day before I checked in with myself and no still calm as a cucumber. HMMMM
Cut to the morning of the event. Not a nerve just and excitement. Now I can be quite anxious and for me this was like a miracle. Wow. I worked out why. I had total belief I could do this. I had total belief I had it under control, that if I had forgotten something it was not going to be a big deal and that I wanted to make this a fun day for everyone. It wasn't about me. It was about sharing a love for health. Holistic health and spirituality and community. I could cry right now because my entire life I would have killed to be able to believe in myself like I do right now. I would have given anything to have all those wasted years hiding away, playing small putting up with things that I shouldn't have had to because I didn't believe in me.
41 years wasted.
I know they weren't entirely wasted because how would I know what this feeling was like if I didn't have all the other stuff. How would I know about the journey, How would I be able to serve others if I didn't know the struggle, and I'm not saying my struggle is over but I am sure glad I believe in my and my message.
So pretty much this blog is to share my accomplishment and getting over such a huge hurdle such as fear who has been holding me back for the longest time and I'm sure will try to in the future. I am so excited for the future. You know when you can just feel it in your soul that life as you know it is about to change, well that is the feeling I have. My energy is clear and I feel as if I am totally aligned totally in flow and just absolutely moving forward towards my goals. My program is full, my book bundle is walking out the door, the new candle range is a hit, I have new clients for NLP and I again have some time to focus on my family.
I feel very blessed and very grounded.
So now I will share with you some photos from the MIND BODY SPIRIT EXPO