Today I feel really called to write about motherhood. Not all that is pretty and glowing, the real elements of motherhood. I suppose it is great timing with Mothers Day and all.
I think most of us before we have children have this fantasy that it is going to be so wonderful when we have children that we will be like all those mothers that you see on Pinterest or Instagram with the gorgeous prams and to die for little outfits, you will have these long lunches and coffee dates with your girlfriends (and their bubs) because you are no longer working and you are going to be on this mini holiday, relaxing and going to the park and playdates, and walking the dog and getting in that exercise you never seemed to be able to schedule before. You will be well rested as you can sleep when the baby sleeps and feeding will be such a beautiful bonding thing.
What a wonderful dream that would be. In reality it is not like that at all and you will more than likely hear yourself say out loud (maybe screamed like some crazy banshee) WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS?
Well someone may have but you were in that dream world of "It won't be like that for me" or you just didn't get the full extent of what that person was saying. Plus NO one can explain just how HARD it is, even if they tried. No one can explain that absolute feeling of exhaustion where you are standing up trying to prepare food or change a nappy and your eyes are so heavy they feel like they have 10 kilo dumbbells attached to your eyelashes. How your body just does not want to move an inch but it has to as your new bundle of joy cannot change herself. No one tells you that breast feeding can sometimes be excruciating, like when your baby attaches to you to get nourishment, nutrients and for their life support to you it feels like someone has taken a hacksaw and is slowly sawing off your nipples and you push through because your little baby needs this and the way you get through is by pushing your feet through the concrete floor, wincing and closing your eyes. (this was my personal experience for my first two until they designed nipple shields. God Love the person that Invented those babies.)
And then there is going out.
Why is it so hard to get organised to get out the door even to head to the shops. You need to pack a giant bag full of supplies for a half hour trip. Nappies, wipes, new outfits, formula, food, boiled water,bibs and toys or books or activities. just in case. and more than likely you will use all of the above in the first 10 minutes. Now let me go back to where you were so innocently dreaming about going and meeting girlfriends for coffee or lunches or playdates. It looks good in theory but most of the time it is a train wreck waiting to happen. You rock up to the venue greet your gorgeous friend and this is where it starts to go downhill. You try to order a coffee but all of a sudden your little cherub realises that this is the time they really need your FULL attention, he begins to whine about being in the pram and doesn't 'stop until you actually pick him up. You manage him while you make your order, you were going to look at the menu but now you cant see it as your little fella reefs it from your hands and starts chewing on it. " Ill just have a coffee and some toast please" That way you can share with you guy because once your meal comes out you know that he will want to devour it anyway (or play in it) So this is how you actually order these days. You start to talk to your girlfriend who is trying to handle her child who is also climbing her like a monkey but the whining from the children it is so hard to hear what the other is saying. Then someone pukes, pulls the coffee over, screams so loud, throws their water bottle, throws their toys, throws their food throws a tantie. Oh man this is soooo relaxing (NOT)
There are so many things I could go into which were just not expected as being a new mummy but there also another thing that no one could explain or describe to you.
The love you feel for this tiny little human being that you have created. No one could explain the love that you have never felt before, that instinct that you would do ANYTHING to keep this little ray of light safe from harm, that you would drag yourself around feeling half dead because they need you. You are their lifeline you are their Mother. You could never expect to look at this little babies fingers and tiny fingernails and cry because you feel so blessed. You would never expect that you would feel such anger at another little child for telling yours to go away. You would never expect going to your child's school events that you need to wear sunnies because your a blubbering mess because they got an award for being kind. You would never expect that even when they are giving you absolute hell, that you would love them like the first day you saw their tiny little face. You would never expect that when they are grown up that you long for those screaming tantrum days because you just want your baby back. I didn't expect all of this and my children are now 24.23,20,18 and I still love them as much as the very first time I saw them. I love them for all the shit they have given me. The worry, the hurt, , the sarcasm, the screams, the hospital visits, the driving lessons, the heartbreaks and the breakups, And I love them for all of the joy they have brought to my life. the laughs the hugs, sporting events , the birthdays, the parties, the joy of them getting their first place, girlfriend, boyfriend having their first baby and there will be so much more exciting things to look forward to.
Motherhood is the hardest but most rewarding job in the world.
I also realise that this is not always the case and that sometimes people really struggle with the massive changes and the hard times that motherhood brings if this is you and you need to talk to someone please reach out Please call LIfeline on 13 11 14