Summer time and the warmer weather always stirs up mixed emotions for me.
It is my favourite time of year, a time where outside is the place to be. Where getting vitamin D on the skin is so invigorating and where salads, watermelon and ice-cold drinks are to new comfort foods. I love sitting outside on a summer evening watching the sun go down and rarely spend much time inside. It is also a time of angst, pain, embarrassment and guilt for me. I have spent every year of my life saying next summer I will have that summer bod. Next summer I won’t go into it feeling disgusting as I peel off all the winter layers. Next summer I am going to feel good and enjoy all summer has to offer as I will be confident, fit and lean. Next summer never comes. Each summer I have peeled off the layers and criticised my white pasty dimply skin, each summer I have dreaded wearing shorts or skirts that showed off my less than toned legs. Each year I let it get in the way of enjoying my favourite time of year. I let the way I think my body should look, dampen the way I feel about wearing cool cotton dresses that show off my arms and legs. I let the feeling of embarrassment as I run from the pool and jump in the water wash over me and stop me from doing that too often. I let my lack of confidence stop me from doing things with my children, and have lost years of memories and fun times all because I lacked the confidence to do what I love to do because of my body image.
I vowed to myself I was not wasting another second covered up, not swimming, not doing things I love because I was worried about my flabby arms or jiggly butt. I have done that all my life and my kids are grown. I lost out. It is done. Years gone and I refuse to keep that pattern going. My summers are going to be filled with fun, swimming, cotton dresses, sleeveless shirts and skirts.
I have learned to love myself, by going learned to value my time and experiences and developed a trust in myself to be more present and focus on making memories not focusing on beating myself up for all I think I need to be or look like.
Can you resonate with this are you wasting time worrying about silly stuff that in the end does not matter? I learned how to breakthrough these beliefs about myself and the stories I have taken on and shift them so that I am focusing on more important things.
It has taken work to change my patterns but I am now free to enjoy my life how I choose to.