I was really called to write this one this morning. I have kicked off my Nourish program and we have some incredible girls enrolled in it but a common theme is that they beat themselves up too much that they suffer from that notorious negative self talk.
we have all been privy to this at some stage of our life and some more so than others. Those of us who partake in this seem to drew that in. I'm never going to have, This always happens to me.. I'm always going to be fat.... I am not good enough... I am not smart enough..... and the list rolls on.
I know I have been there and still find myself there from time to time and only just recently went through a huge lack of self doubt around being clever enough.
I started studying to do my (Neuro Linguistics Programming)NLP practitioner course which was over a 9 day period and as this played out (lucky the course I was doing there is a lot of practical stuff and tools that can resolve issues like this) I began to be this ball of anxiety. I had no idea why for the first two days but then it became very clear to me that I was feeling so much doubt around my intelligence. How am I going to do this? How am I going to be able to implement this? How am I ever going to pass? This is too big for me to take on? Now that of course is negative self talk and I have learned that if I keep calling that in that is what will come to me so I had to try to reassure myself I could do it, and mind you my facilitator was pushing me (she could see what I couldn't)
We did clear up some of that anxiety through the use of NLP which is an incredible tool for breaking through limiting beliefs, and a whole lot more. At the end she told us our exam was going to be open book. (phew) but when the time came she said "no you guys can do this you aren't using your books.) Ok well that was it then I had failed (this was my negative self talk) We sat down did the test and at the end went over it. It felt like it was the longest period in time as we went through every answer. Cut to the end I got 87% without using the book. So I am smart enough and clever enough and I do know this stuff but it was my limiting belief that could have stopped me. I knew I had to see it through but it would have been a much nicer process if I hadn't caused myself so much anxiety.....
The point is we all do it but the way we handle it and the way we use it is a different story,
Put it away in a box
When you find yourself saying things like I am stupid or I stuffed that up or I am never going to get this or I will never be that or I cant do this. Imagine taking those words and putting them into a box and closing the lid. They are a poor choice of words. If you do stuff up and see yourself starting to say those words imagine your little box and imagine closing the lid on it. And reframe the way you say things. Such as "I might have stuffed that up but that is a lesson learned I won't do it that way next time"
We cannot all be positive all the time but we can a lot of the time. Look I understand when you are deep in the thick of feeling terrible you are not going to be able to just use a few words to change it but if you practice enough you may not be feeling terrible so often. So when those feelings of I'm so fat come up reframe it to I may have put on a little weight now what am I going to do about it.
Give that meanie a name
When you hear that voice in your head always there always saying mean thing you should be able to connect with her/him. I suggest giving them a name so that when you find yourself being mean then you can say 'Hey Regina (George) quiet down in there" it makes light of the situation and you may then reframe.
Move that body
A suggestion I have for when you are feeling less than good it to change your body physiology. If you are sad and you feel down try lifting your head high, looking at the ceiling and stand and move around. You will find that it changes you mood. Even if it is a slight shift.
What would your Bestie say?
A quick way to put a don't in the nasty self-talk is to think of someone you trust and imagine what she would say to you. “Which is probably, ‘Oh please, was it really that bad?’” “Did you really ruin your career in the meeting?”
Another rule: If you wouldn’t say it to your friend, don’t say it to yourself. You would never — at least, we hope you would never — call your friend a “total slob” for dribbling tomato sauce on her blouse.
Embrace the Perfectly Imperfect person you are.
We all have so much to offer. And most of the time it is just us seeing the bad things. No one cares that you have freckles no one cares if you are carrying extra weight people are very much caught up in what they are doing and what is going on for them that have little time to notice you have put on weight and if they do that really says a lot about them. I learned to celebrate things I like about myself that the things I don't aren't front and centre anymore. I am after all, only human and of course there are things I would like to change but I can't and in the big picture they aren't all that bad. It is totally freeing once you can find this realisation, stop holding yourself to such high standards. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY is perfect and if they were how BORING would that be. Honestly look deeper. You have so much to offer.
Please give it a go.