I did a podcast on this the other day and wanted to share it here also. You can click the picture about to listen to it.
We can go on for years stuck in the same kinds of cycles and patterns. Most people blame their weigh gain for their unhappiness, I am one of these people and I was forever gauging my potential or my success on my weight and appearance. I found it easy to blame all of my problems on being fat. Most of us spend so much time weighing, measuring, counting calories of macros, trying diet after diet only to find that we may lose weight short term but then we actually gain it back and then some. The excess weight we may be carrying and usually isn't as bad as we see it (we build things up in our mind and we are our most harshest critics.) is an outside affect on an inside issue. It almost always has a lot to do with fear, or a need or protection, insecurity or feeling not good enough so you cover it up with eating and the weight to hide so to speak. I know that can sound silly and in a lot of cases it is true. And let me add that is not in every case.
In my case and I have only recently come to terms with this is that I a scared to be that person who I know I can be. I m scared to be out front and centre. I am afraid of really shining. I am scared of looking the fool, looking dumb and if (as I always told myself ) I lose weight I can be all those things, I have dreamed of, but it is also so scary so confronting at the same time. I will stay safe here in my fat suit so to speak. It gives me the excuse to play small and it gives me a reason to keep making excuses. So spending time beating myself up, feeling guilty for every extra bite I have or workout I missed or takeaway meal I had is so much easier than dealing with the real issue.
Something magical can happen when we start to do the inner work. When we begin to approve of ourselves ( I use this affirmation every day) and we start to love ourselves.
I didn't love myself hence why I have excess weight on my body. I didn't treat myself with the respect that I deserve by looking after myself. I didn't see that I deserved that. when we start to love ourselves its incredible how you just start to do those things, You start moving your body because you want to feel good. You start choosing nourishing foods to fuel your body and you start to do things that make you happy, that fill you up that give you joy. I even noticed because I was focused on doing that the weight has started to disappear from my body without me killing myself for it, Starving myself for it, Punishing myself or restricting myself. I am a work in progress and I will never ever pretend not to be but I have noticed since seeing it for what it is that I am choosing better meals, I am not craving crappy foods to get me through the afternoon, I have more energy and because I am tuned into my body and my needs I am eating smaller portions I know when I am full rather than ignoring it. If I do have something that I normally would have had a guilt fest over I j accept that that was what I wanted and let it go. I no longer get angry with myself about it I used to get so mad and angry that I had ruined my diet etc. That no longer happens, no guilt no blame and no shame. I just tune in. I try to do what is best for my mind body and soul and sometimes I don't always to whats best but I pick back up and try again. I don't want to hide away any longer. I want to shine.