And I say that in the nicest possible way. See when you get whispers from the universe it is usually wise to listen to them. This year has been a lesson that I have learned from every one else's lessons. I took the first half of this year off to work do more with my family and build a foundation for my passion. To try to work on creating income to replace my full time Education income. I have run retreats and workshops and classes and developed courses and my mum broke her ankle. So I had pretty much had to become her carer. She was in hospital for 9 weeks. This ended up being an amazing thing for her and my relationship. I spent more time with her. Chatting and talking about life. We got to know each other more, because we haven't had that kind of relationship previously. Just because of perceptions and varying other reasons. This was a wonderful thing to happen. Even though she had to be in pain we have certainly healed our relationship.
I have been through a purge or two and have put a lot of pressure on myself to try to replace my income to make it work to be able to do my own thing. To focus purely on my own business and it was getting closer and closer to the date and yes it has grown yes I am generating some form of financial rewards but I feel that maybe just trying to force things is not how I should have spent the last months. I should have been trying to focus of fun and joy and doing things that brought me happiness. Yes I love what I do but I was so damn focused on creating this and that that I literally have had not time for fun, joy or play. I have spent this entire time creating and forcing and pushing and that minus the forcing and pushing is fine but there needs to be a balance to it.
We then got news of a legal issue around my husbands business. That is all I can say but it has been the major cause of stress for us and I have had faith that the truth always wins. That good always comes through and that every thing there will work out for the highest good. And I still have faith around that. I still believe that. My husband is the most wonderful man who is so giving and so trusting and a lesson learned in this situation is that not all people are good people. That there are some people who you think you can trust and you simply just cannot and for us that is a sad lesson. Because we want to believe that all people are good and kind and gracious and thankful but again another hard lesson we are learning. This actually effects me greatly because I can and do only see the good and when my beautiful generous husband has to go through this is affects me. The lesson there is just to be careful. Protect yourself at all times.
Then and I think that may be one of the causes my husband had been having chest pain. We would lie in bed and he would tell me how worried he was at he pain he was having. Me being a little cold said "GO to the Doctor " I have no sympathy for you because you won't do anything." Well he did go to the doctor and a few tests later he is in hospital. It is Easter Sunday and I am home alone writing this blog post. He has been told he needs a triple bypass, and all I can think is what a blessing it is. What an absolute blessing that he had those signs. That he had the pain and that he listened. We could be in a much more upsetting situation if he didn't take notice. He is 99% blocked in one artery. 60% blocked in the other and he had previously had a stent when he was 34 years old. (10 years ago) See this could have ended up with me being a widow. With me having no husband and what a wonderful lesson to learn about how I am showing up in my life. In my relationships. What is important to me. Who is important to me. See I feel that I am trying to over complicate my life. That I have been searching for things that may or may not be my path. Part of my journey. The most important thing is family. My husband. My relationships with him and my children and grand child and my Mother and my brothers and Luke's family. My friends. Doing things that bring me joy, make me happy, make others around me happy. Being purposeful and living with intention. Taking care of my own health so that I don't end up in a similar position. Moving and loving and nurturing and caring and supporting and guiding and caring and making memories and not sweating the small stuff. Seeing places creating memories and adventures. It isn't about sitting behind a computer. It is about living. The life I have. Living the dream I have for myself and my family. Not wasting moments on creating this funnel and that funnel. It is about throwing myself all in. Loving deeply and caring deeply.
I have to go back to my full time job but how lucky am I that I have that job with a bunch of supportive wonderful women. How lucky am I that I still have an income and can do what it is I need to do.
I am overwhelmed at this moment in time but overwhelmed with the message the lesson the path is simple. It is a simple journey to love as much as I can to live as much as I can and to enjoy the ride. Enjoy the adventures.
Erin xx