It seems as if most people had a bit of a struggle this year. 2019 was a year of Medical Issues in my family.
This year has not been the easiest of years. I entered 2019 with the best of intentions. I had taken 5 months leave from my full time job in Early Childhood Education to really focus on making my side hustle work. I had EVERY intention of not going back to my teaching job and to make my passion (women’s coaching, workshops, mindfulness for kids ) work.
See the thing is we often have plans and the universe often has different plans.
Lesson One: Look closer. My perception isn’t the only perception that matters.
My mother had a really bad accident and broke her ankle very badly. She was in hospital for a long time and needed extra care. She needed me to run errands for her and I didn’t want her alone in the hospital so I was visiting every day. This is where I learned my very first lesson. My mother and I have had a strained relationship as we didn’t really see eye to eye on most things. The thing that I found out was that we both have a skewed vision of each other. See this time when she was in hospital left a lot of time for conversations, hard ones and ones about my mums upbringing, and experiences and it showed me another side to her that I had not really seen before. It showed me her vulnerable side. The hard side that I saw was her defensive side, the side that was always on guard of being hurt and the side that was protecting herself.
So it is safe to say the first lesson that I learned this year was that even my mother has her own stories. Her own way of protection. That the story I see was just my perception and that there is always something so much deeper going on. My mum and I have the best relationship now. We are the closest we have ever been and I see her with completely different eyes. The universe sent us this to mend our relationship. To deepen it and to look at it in a new way.
Lesson Two: DOING ALL THE THINGS IS A WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME
I spent A LOT of my time at the computer. Setting up my website, creating, emailing, scheduling posts. Creating posts. Lots of time trying to do ALL the things that I thought I HAD to do to make my business a productive business that made money. I had so much pressure on trying to get my business bringing in the dollars that I was stressed. I was unhappy. I was depressed. I was overwhelmed and anxious. I was trying to do what all of those with an online business was doing. Podcast, social platforms, website, coaching with different coaches. I was literally confused because there were so many different ways and I was trying to do them all. Show up live, Use selfies, share EVERYTHING. I seriously was burned out. It took my husband having to have an emergency triple bypass to stop me in my tracks.
During this scary time. (I thought we may lose him. And if he had not of listened to his body we would have.) I realised that all of that… All of that hustling, all that time spent in my office. All the nights he sat out in our lounge room alone watching TV all the times my mind just was not in the moment or the conversation, was precious valuable time wasted. All that time I was feeling pressure to do more was time wasted. Seeing my husband lying in the ward with tubes, out of him everywhere, seeing him in such a vulnerable state was heart breaking. Seeing him like this made it all so very clear. My family is the most important thing to me and time. Time and memories and being in each moment. It put into perspective what was important to me. What I felt was aligned with who I am at the core of me and my values. I stopped then trying to force my business to work. I stopped spending countless hours creating posts for Instagram and Facebook. I stopped trying to do the things I thought I SHOULD be doing and I decided to focus on what was important to me. Connection. Face to face moments. Time with my family. Quality interactions.
Lesson Three: PUT MY BLINDERS ON.
This was something I heard on a podcast. I am pretty sure it was a Gary V podcast where he said to stop doing what others are doing. Put on your blinders and do you. I was at the point where I had stepped back and wanted to look at what I wanted. What I thought my clients needed. I decided then and there that I was NOT doing what others were saying I SHOULD DO. I was going to listen to my inner voice. I was going to be true to me and those who resonate with that will show up. I have always prided myself on being open, vulnerable and showing my shadows as well as the light. I was not going to change that about me. But for me all the online stuff was not personal enough. Yes it has helped a lot of people and yes I loved creating it but to me connection was the key. In my home life and in my coaching. Talking, touching, laughing, crying, hugging and all the human stuff that is so wonderful. This is where it was at for me. Looking for what I need as a woman. A human. A woman who is in the middle of her life and what I have learned along the way. Sharing that. Sharing my knowledge in a way that helps others. Not in a robotic way.
I take PRIDE in being messy, being un polished. Showing up as I am. Crying in my lives. (it is usually joyous tears) I feel that if I had a professional set up such as the lights and all the bling of it I would not be authentically me. Not to say that good lighting is not ok……
Since tuning in to me and what I think I can share with those who need it. I have lost that pressure feeling, I have lost the anxiousness that I am not doing it right. I am 100% doing it right for me. Are there business and marketing strategies I could use yes I am sure there are but in talking about how I show up. 100 % I am me. I used to have so much fear around being me. I used to have so much angst in doing it wrong, looking silly, looking dumb. Not any longer.
Lesson Four: TRUST
This by far has been the biggest lesson learned this year.
Trusting in myself. Trusting in the path. Trusting that I can do it.
See when I started out this year, with taking leave, I had in the back of my mind that I was not going to go back to my teaching job. That if I worked hard enough I would make it work out and I wouldn’t have to return. I also had in my mind that it was a security net. That I had that if it didn’t work out and I suppose in hindsight I was working so hard because I had in the back of my mind, This might not work out. So I think that was where I was going wrong. I didn’t trust myself enough. I didn’t trust that I had the capabilities to make it viable enough to leave my teaching job. I did not think I had the chops to pull it off so I kept the safety net there. I had to end up going back to my full time job which I was not very happy about but it was what it was. I was not sure if my husband would be able to work at full capacity again and was concerned about money. It so happened that my Hubby was more than capable and went back as soon as he could. Being back at work I found that things really started to take off. I was being approached by corporate services, and organisations to come in and train on Mindfulness. I had to say no to new opportunities because, I couldn’t get the time off work. So it was hard. The job that I loved so much when I started was totally different and it was literally sucking the life from me. I felt such a pull in the direction of creating my own business and workshops that I was so unhappy. In the end I had a discussion with my husband and we decided that I would hand in my resignation and I would start working on my coaching business fulltime. I gave six weeks notice and that was the longest six weeks of my life. I was scared. I was afraid. I was worried but excited. I decided that I had to just let go…. I had to trust that it was all going to be ok. That it was going to work out how it was meant to and having that chain connecting me was not going to let me fully dive into what I was passionate about.
Fast forward BEST DECISION I have ever made. I am now not making the money I was but I am certainly having so much fun. I love what I do and it lights me up in a way that makes me feel alive. I would of course love to create more money freedom but I am doing what I love so much that it is not my focus. My focus is watching others be able to use the tools I guide them with to open up, to move forward and grow and have more confidence in their own abilities. So letting go and trusting is the biggest thing I have learned to do this year. I tried but had that tie still by not letting go completely. I know now that it was NEVER going to work until I had full faith in myself.
Lesson Five: Saying NO and setting boundaries.
The last lesson I have learned is that not everything is for me. That I do not have to say YES to everything. That taking my time to decide if that is for me or that works in alignment with my values is OKAY. I was always a YES GIRL. I would do anything to make everyone happy. I would sacrifice my own needs or values for others and I am learning to look at how things make me feel. Is it going to raise my vibration. Is it going to put me in a place of lack. Is it going to make me happy, bring me joy, bring value. If not…… PASS. This is also with the people or things that I engage in. I have found that drinking is not really something I find fun anymore. Well not drinking in excess. It makes my body hurt. I act crazy and I hate that. I have been learning to just have one or two and that is ok. I also know that cutting myself off and not attending events is not a great thing either so it is finding the balance. Finding what works for me. It is not always easy but as I say it is a work in progress.
So to those who had a shitty year. Maybe have a look and see if there were things that may have cropped up so that you could gain something from it. I could look at the year and say OMG what a SHITHOUSE year. And it was not great. But the value I got from the lessons were what I needed. What will help me create an even better year in 2020.
What are some of the lessons you got from 2019?